Alyce Laviolette Day 40

2:00 Inkling of Jodi beginning to pull away. On October 29, journal entry, Exh 579.
Jodi is talking about TA looking at her journal, wanting her to rip out the page where she gets specific about abuse. She complies and rips out the page. She also talks about that words being as hurtful as being hit, and she says sometimes that can take longer to heal. Pages are before Oct 29, where he told her to tear out pages. Also Aug 26, 2007, half a page was torn out.

What it means : as in Law of Attraction, Jodi is isolated from writing in her journal. Further isolates her. TA’s behaviour is controlling, also fits with LOA, philosophy in PPL. ALV asked Jodi about the lack of details, Jodi explained it was not a good thing for her to be writing these things down as part of forgiving and forgetting. She was concerned also about his reputation.

7:30 Nov 1, 2007. They made up, he came over to Jodi’s house or two nights, she is talking about them making up. He gives her a treat, she gives him a treat, ALV thinks it is sexual. Two nights where he is being good to her. It fits in cycle of unacceptable event, forgiveness. Journal discusses her room mates are asleep, he sneeks in.

10:00 Nov 5, 2007. Travis is apologising. 10:45 Sidebar ( Juan objecting, hearsay )
17:45 Subject matter is critical words, he wanted forgiveness, espite Jodi being injured, and it being hard, Joi would not write about it in her journal.
19:30 Jodi is giving TA empathy. Reason people stay in abusive relationships is because they empathise.
20:34 Dec 4, 2007. Hiding relationship, picking TA up from airport, sneaking back into the house after grandmother is asleep, leaving before grandmother woke up, at TA’s request. Alarm was set so she could leave. Another woman had same experience, maintaining image of TA being a virgin, purity. Jodi is not acknowledged, Jodi is hidden. Happened with another woman [who,grandma’s house?]
23:55 Dec 25, 2007. Jodi is in Yreka. Jodi called, TA did not call back. Jodi is upset. But TA buys her beautiful gifts, even though he is struggling financially. Jodi is pulling away a little bit at a time. Starting to see some things are not ok, but still involved in relationship.
25:40 ALV talks about crossing bottom lines, abused women know it, talks about a woman who took a year to tell ALV. It makes women feel terrible about themselves. Husband abused her cat the she loved. She lost who she was. Paws were cut, he made excuses, she had a sick feeling. One day he left with the cat. “I didn’t stop him”. When sexuality is involved, women feel as responsible, almost like incest survivors in taking on blame.
30:00 ALV talks about abused women stop liking who they are, women are compromised, gradually. Frog in water analogy.
31:20 Victim of abuse does not realise what is happening. Self-blame for abuse. Women do not want to talk about sexual abuse in public.
32:30 Text messages between TA and Jodi. Starting one in 2006, then 2007-2008.
Beginning Jan 1, 2008. I love you Jodi. Loving emails. Jodi is responding. There are good times in relationship. The relationship is not all bad. Talking about swapping cars. Jan 21, 2008. Second physical aggressive act.
36:00 Sidebar 37:00 Jan 21, TA had boxes out, JA forgot object, she came back, went to his room, saw him masturbating to photo of young boy. Jodi goes home, throws up. Then later they have conversation, she goes back and he tells her having sex with women makes him feel normal. She thinks of him as a child, empathy. Things that happened in TA’s childhood.
39:45 She feels TA needs help. She goes back to his house the next day. They argue over money, TA kicks Jodi twice, finger is damaged. ALV has seen Jodi’s crooked finger.
41:20 TA leaves. Jodi said she wondered if TA was getting a weapon. TA comes back and splints her finger.
43:00 ALV told Juan photos were on computer, but Jodi never said that. ALV mis-spoke. She assumed photos were on computer, she mis-spoke.
44:00 Jodi didn’t get medical help. If she had, police would be called. Often there is no record, victims of either gender.
45:30 Jodi did not notify police, people do not want to involve police.
46:20 TA had a lot to lose, including his job, due to PPL being Mormon related.
47:20 Conflict tactics scale. 1st incident was “mild act”. Severe acts, punching, choking, kicking, use of a weapon.
48:00 ALV is not happy with “mild”. Also, why… was it self-defense. Was there fear.
50:00 Abuse tears away character. Self-esteem goes down. Add physical abuse, adds fear.
51:00 Kicking shows escalation of abuse, in period of 3 months ( a short period of time for DV expert ).
52:40 Prior to physical abuse, emotional abuse. It starts with name-calling, skank, making that a joke.
53:20 Similar pattern with other women, putting down.
54:30 Travis feels guilt, can trigger anger, fear, rage, abuse. Fear makes someone more dangerous. Fear of loss.
57:00 Fear of loss causes controlling behaviour.
57:20 Jodi pulling away, increases fear of loss.
57:50 By January, ALV says this is relationship with domestic abuse.
58:25 Creates fear in women, when partner gets angry. Women may adapt to ameliorate tension.
1:00:10 Women change behaviour, preventative behaviour. There are good periods, learned hopefulness, people regroup.
1:01:00 Feb 8 – 14, 2008. Things are going well. Normalcy. Feb 10, TA makes Jodi feel special. TA want to take her to a super-Saturday meeting, TA sings to Jodi, they are bonded again. Someone who is abusive, isn’t just abusive, they have wonderful traits as well.
1:05:20 Jodi starts LDS link-up account. Jodi’s goal was to get married, she starts to pull away, gradually.
1:07:50 Feb 25, 2008 text messages. Jodi has been away, on drive back TA is angry Jodi is not responding fast.
1:09:45 Jodi is apologetic. Jodi wants to take pictures of Hoover Dam, but gives that up to get back faster.
1:10:30 Jodi has to justify why she doesn’t respond fast. Controlling behaviour by TA. Jodi is not abusive. Jodi de-escalates.
1:12:00 Victims can get angry. Anger doesn’t tend to have a long period.
1:13:30 Journal entry Feb 25(26?), 2008. Jodi talks about drive back from Las Vegas, wanting to spend time with TA. Mood is he is tender, good sexual experience. Jodi talks about closure. Talks about Mimi, she is happy for him, wants him to be happy. Jodi is moving on. Bonding.
1:17:00 Trip to Las Vegas, spontaneous. ALV directed to p. 771 of exhibit. Jodi excited to meet Sam Shultz. TA wants her to come back a day early. Jodi does not, is not compelled. Jodi is getting a little steel in her backbone. Important that Jodi is able to say no. Evidence Jodi is starting to be able to pull away.
1:20:00 Jodi often talks about TA wanting to be happy. Jodi doesn’t want to be in the way. ALV does not see signs of Jodi being jealous.
1:22 TA says he is “choked up” by Jodi wanting him to be happy, he is “touched”. TA talks about having more memorable experiences with Jodi, they will be immortalised forever. Jodi would be made to feel special. At same time Jodi is pulling away.
1:24 March 2. 3rd violent episode in TA’s car. 1:25 sidebar. 1:26. Fact he is violent again is important. Discussion about Jodi moving to Yreka. He slapped her on the face. Jodi calls her mother but does not say what happened. Jodi thinks it’s an important step.
1:28 TA is able to calm down, kisses her tenderly. Tax seminar : they do not go. Jodi is breaking away from TA.
1:29:30 ALV talks to victims about changing their own behaviour, rather than trying to change the behaviour of their abuser. Rebuilding self-esteem. Jodi is doing this. Important she tells TA she is moving. She is not out, she is taking a step.
1:31:30 Journal entry on screen, “bittersweet closure”. Jodi says it is unimaginable to live without him, but will be better this way.
1:33 Journal does not mention he hit her, consistent with her promise not to write negative events down. Does mention kisses.
1:34 Jodi does something nice for TA, they have made up.
1:35 ALV talks about patterns, emotional abuse, areas of control, power differences. Couples counselling. Doesn’t know if there is DV, she can make an assessment whether there is DV. ALV may be the first person they have talked to. ALV does have to report some things, otherwise it is confidential ( including to other person).
1:38 Once again, March 3, escalation, only a month after prior violent incident.
1:38:30 Violence doesn’t have to be every week. Can have long term effects. Three times a week physical violence is rare.
1:40:30 Emotional abuse is harder to describe. Violent events are easier to understand.
1:41:20 More controlling behaviour, as abusers know they can be arrested for verbal abuse.
March 13, 2008, journal entry, about a trip TA an JA took. Carlsberg caverns. Positive experience. Roswell, New Mexico.
Jodi says she will miss him when she goes back to Yreka. Jodi talks about the “flesh is weak”, cannot “behave”, sexually.
1:45:30 Jodi talks about wanting TA to be happy with Mimi Hall, p. 793. TA is worried about getting married.
1:47:22 March 17, 2008 text messages. Time is 9:18. Talking about how trip was great, very loving, loving names.
1:48:30 March 13-17, a loving respite, they are connected and close with each other again. No jealousy by Jodi.
1:49:30 JW asks for sidebar. Recess for 5 minutes. ALV is ill, afternoon session is cancelled.